Updated: Jan 22
My roommates in college thought it was funny when I would wet the bed. The morons would wait until I was asleep, then they would put my hand in warm water. This invariably would cause me to soak my sheets. I failed to see the humor; in fact, found this practice to be rather irritating. I get that same feeling when I slip on a pair of waders and venture out into a river. My body being soaked immediately makes me have to go to the bathroom, and If I don’t get out of my waders fast enough…well, fortunately I only wet my waders twice…last month. That’s one of the things I hate about fly fishing.
By the way, who was the imbecile that invented the fly fishing vest? After all, most guys couldn’t find their car keys if their pants had one pocket. So why design a vest with fifty pockets? Now some of you are reading this are thinking that you like the fifty pockets. Well I’m sorry to break it to you but you are…anal. I usually spend most of my fishing day rummaging around trying to find stuff. Of course, I always manage to find what I am looking for in the last pocket, after I’ve checked them all twice.
The amount of equipment a fly fisherman needs is very similar to an astronaut. On a recent fishing trip, I ended up packing wading boots, waders, a patch kit, fly tying kit, wading belt, fly vest with clippers, forceps, a fishing hat, polarized sunglasses and a net. Hopefully next time I will remember my fly rod, so I can fish.
Fly fishing has its own language. There are a few entomologists that actually speak it, and then there are the rest of us that fake it. Since I have no idea of the names of the bugs or what my flies are trying to imitate, I must mumble a lot. If I do by blink luck happen to catch a fish and a fellow angler puts me on the spot by asking me what fly I’m using, I’ll mumble in a garbled voice “A brown sumpinorother.” If they ask again I’ll act like I’m mentally deranged. This is an effective strategy and it comes in handy at work too.
True fly fisherman are expected to tie their own flies. However, this takes patience and coordination, two things I’m not known for. I tried tying a fly once and it took me three hours, which would have been ok if the finished product hadn’t ended up looking like something my cat had horked up. Of course, I discovered I could have bought the picking thing for ninety-five cents. Now I may be uncoordinated but I’m not stupid. Yes, I buy all my flies. However, if I am traveling with other fly fisherman I will bring my humongous fly tying kit to give the illusion that I tie flies, thus raising my status as a fly fisherman.
As you can see there are a few things I hate about fly fishing. However, here I am on a beautiful river casting “sumpinorothers” to rising trout. It is now that I realize all the things I love about fly fishing….I’ve got to get out of these waders fast!
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