My roommates in college thought it was funny when I would wet the bed. The morons would wait until I was asleep, then they would put my hand in warm water. This invariably would cause me to soak my sheets. I failed to see the humor; in fact, found this practice to be rather irritating. I get that same feeling when I slip on a pair of waders and venture out into a river. My body being soaked immediately makes me have to go to the bathroom, and If I don’t get out of my waders fast enough…well, fortunately I only wet my waders twice…last month. That’s one of the things I hate about fly fishing.
By the way, who was the imbecile that invented the fly fishing vest? After all, most guys couldn’t find their car keys if their pants had one pocket. So why design a vest with fifty pockets? Now some of you are reading this are thinking that you like the fifty pockets. Well I’m sorry to break it to you but you are…anal. I usually spend most of my fishing day rummaging around trying to find stuff. Of course, I always manage to find what I am looking for in the last pocket, after I’ve checked them all twice.
The amount of equipment a fly fisherman needs is very similar to an astronaut. On a recent fishing trip, I ended up packing wading boots, waders, a patch kit, fly tying kit, wading belt, fly vest with clippers, forceps, a fishing hat, polarized sunglasses and a net. Hopefully next time I will remember my fly rod, so I can fish.
Fly fishing has its own language. There are a few entomologists that actually speak it, and then there are the rest of us that fake it. Since I have no idea of the names of the bugs or what my flies are trying to imitate, I must mumble a lot. If I do by blink luck happen to catch a fish and a fellow angler puts me on the spot by asking me what fly I’m using, I’ll mumble in a garbled voice “A brown sumpinorother.” If they ask again I’ll act like I’m mentally deranged. This is an effective strategy and it comes in handy at work too.
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